Careful!
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. ‘Is there anything breakable in here?’ asked the postal clerk.
The lady thought for a moment, and replied: ‘Only the Ten Commandments.’
Morning
There are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, ‘Good morning, Lord,’ and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, ‘Good Lord, it's morning.’
Hospital Chart Bloomers
Don’t be alarmed, but these are actual notes from hospital charts....
~ The patient refused autopsy.
~ The patient has no previous history of suicides.
~ Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
~ Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
~ On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
~ The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
~ Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
~ She is numb from her toes down.
~ The skin was moist and dry.
~ Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
~ Patient was alert and unresponsive.
~ I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
~ Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.